Hiding Behind Love Read online

  “Whatcha got brewin’ in that head of yours, Mama?” I asked, fear flooding my veins at the look on her face. Whatever it was, she’d make sure it happened just like she’d conjured it up, or the rest of us would pay dearly for daring to contradict her and her plans. Not even Carissa would be immune, considering the way Mama had practically beat what she’d wanted to know out of the poor girl.

  “You’ll see,” she sing-songed happily—before coffee, which was just creepy. She also seemed to have an unusual amount of energy this morning, which was nice to see but also scary in the reasoning as to why. Could Carissa have made that much of an impact in our lives in just a twenty-four-hour period? “Now bring me my coffee.”

  “I’ll make ya some tea, Ma. You know the doctor said to eliminate caffeine from your diet ‘cause it’s bad for your heart,” I said, knowing I was in for a fight but unwilling to back down. Whatever it took to keep her here with me longer was exactly what I’d do.

  “Make me tea and I’ll whoop that ass of yours from here to Timbuktu and back. I said I want some damn coffee and I meant it,” she practically growled, but I ignored her and set the tea kettle on the stove and flipped the burner on. “Don’t ya dare ignore me.”

  “You need to follow the doctor’s orders, which you haven’t been doin’ much of, eatin’ steak and tons of ranch dressin’. I’m just worried about ya.” I hoped she’d see reason but felt her glare piercing my back like a sword.

  “Turn that damned kettle off and pour me some of the good stuff just the way I like it,” she ordered stubbornly. “If it’s God’s will for me to be on this earth, he’ll see it done, but I’m gonna enjoy it every moment I’m here with gratitude.”

  I bit my tongue, refusing to put my faith in her health on a being I couldn’t see, touch, or hear. The doctors were tangible. They could run tests and provide feedback, whereas the god she always went on and on about wasn’t standing here or at the hospital ready and willing to provide any answers or solutions. I’d started losing faith when my daddy up and left us without a backward glance, and what little I’d had left vanished into thin air when Mama had gotten sick. For a being that supposedly did so much good, he’d sure allowed a ton of bad to happen to us.

  Changing tactics, she said, “Didn’t the doctor say stress was the worst thing for me? You’re stressin’ me out well past my limits this mornin’.”

  I rolled my eyes, thankful my back was to her and she couldn’t see me do so. She would’ve called me over just to smack me across the back of my head for being so openly disrespectful.

  “He did,” I conceded, finally reaching to turn off the kettle and pulling down a cup to fulfill her request.

  “Make sure there’s enough for Carissa when she gets up or you’ll be brewin’ another pot,” Mama warned, and I shook my head slightly in exasperation. She acted as if I’d already forgotten the sexy siren’s presence in our home, when I hadn’t slept a wink all night with thoughts of said siren beating down my skull. I was suddenly glad we rarely had visitors, let alone guests, who slept over. I didn’t know how long I could hold back before I broke and begged her to let me fuck her brains right out of her head.

  “Got it, Ma,” I told her, irritation filling my voice. I was beginning to rethink my earlier happiness of seeing a bit more life in her. She needed to calm the hell down, especially when it came to her meddling.

  “Don’t sass me,” she warned, and I closed my eyes for a brief moment, counting to ten to calm my tired, frayed nerves.

  “Sorry, Mama,” I told her as I brought her the cup of coffee I’d prepared just for her. She took it with a grin, as if she was enjoying the entire frustrating discussion we were having that led nowhere fast.

  “Morning,” Carissa grumbled as she stumbled her way into the kitchen blindly.

  Seeing her all rumpled, hair mussed, and pajamas out of whack from sleep had me hard as a rock in less than a second. I stood there staring like a fool who’d never seen a girl before. Well, I hadn’t seen one quite like her. I loved how dark her hair was. It was a midnight black with bluish undertones, and her skin was as pale as the moon. My first thought when I’d seen her sleeping behind the hay bales was that Snow White had taken a bite of the poisoned apple, and I was the Prince Charming meant to kiss and awaken her before I’d mentally bitch slapped myself for such girlish thoughts and proceeded to wake her up.

  “Mornin’, sweetie. Sleep all right?” Mama asked her, jerking me out of the memory.

  “I guess,” she mumbled as she went to work doctoring her own cup of coffee, and I wondered how either woman tasted any coffee after adding so much sugar and creamer to it that it looked more like a coffee mug filled with milk. I also wondered if she’d been plagued by the same issues as I had all night long but chose not to ask, since it would be rude of me to do so, especially in front of my mother.

  “I hope so ‘cause we got a busy day ahead of us. Best drink up that coffee and eat up, once Kolt gets breakfast finished…if he ever gets ‘round to cookin’ us anythin’.” Mama turned that raised eyebrow on me once again, amusement dancing in her eyes at how I’d frozen and watched Carissa so closely.

  If I was going to get my mother to back off, I’d better start hiding my reactions to Carissa a hell of a lot better than I was now.

  “How’s pancakes sound?” I asked, snapping myself out of my daze at Mama’s prompting.

  “Delicious. Make those blueberry ones I love so much with the fresh berries Toby brought in and placed in the fridge yesterday,” Mama instructed, still unable to fully hand over the reins of the kitchen to me.

  This had been her domain for years and years, so I could understand how she felt and didn’t complain too much. Every now and then she’d go overboard and I’d let her know, but most of the time, I just followed her instructions or granted her requests.

  “Ya like blueberry pancakes, Carissa?”

  “Yes ma’am,” Carissa answered with a weak smile before taking a sip of coffee.

  I didn’t bother to warn her about her slip of the tongue. Calling my mother ma’am was a cardinal sin. Mama would correct her soon enough. Or so I thought.

  I waited several minutes for the normal lecture to commence, but neither woman said a word as they sat and drank quietly. I glanced over my shoulder multiple times, wondering which alien species had snatched my mother or invaded her body.

  “Ya makin’ bacon with those pancakes?” Mama called out, finally breaking the silence that was beginning to grate on my nerves.

  “Is it ever breakfast without bacon?” I asked sarcastically, already pulling a package I’d thawed the day before out of the fridge, along with the other ingredients I’d need.

  “Hell no!” Mama’s declaration echoed through the kitchen, it was so loud and appalled.

  I could only chuckle when I saw Carissa jump in her seat at how forcefully she’d responded to my sarcastic question.

  “Have ya heard back from the butcher on when the next round of meat will be delivered?”

  “He only took the pig and steer two days ago, Ma. It’ll be a bit before it’s ready to go in the freezer,” I told her, knowing how impatient she got when we were getting low on meat. We never let it get to the point of running out, though, so I didn’t know why she insisted on getting so worked up about it. “He always quotes a six-week turnaround to properly cure the meat and such.”

  “Mark it on the calendar,” she instructed me, and I sighed. In her own way, she was still trying to help run the ranch, which frustrated me to no end. I wished she’d relax and let me handle things, but apparently she couldn’t handle that.

  “Already done,” I told her, having marked it as soon as I could after he’d left the other day. I knew we’d be having this conversation sooner or later. Jakey was a good guy and always on time with his estimates on getting us back our meat, but Mama never believed it until she saw it.

  “Good boy,” she said, and my hackles rose. Was she trying to demean me in front of Carissa afte
r working so hard to try to push us together just yesterday? I knew that’s not how she meant it, but it sure felt like it when I was running on fumes and barely any coffee.

  “So what’s on the agenda for today?” Carissa asked, pulling my mother’s focus from me, making me want to sweep her up in my arms and kiss her for that blessing. It had been a long time since anyone interesting enough had been around to do that much for me.

  “First we’re gonna talk over breakfast about that dilemma ya got goin’ on. Once we get that finished, we might as well get ta work settin’ the plan into motion.” Mama’s eyes were back to twinkling in that mischievous way of hers when I glanced over to where the two were seated at the table.

  Carissa had stolen my usual seat both last night and now, but it didn’t dawn on me to even care. In fact, it warmed me up inside to see her feeling so at home that she would so easily take a seat at our table.

  “You thought of an idea that might help?” Carissa asked, both surprised and hopeful.

  “I told ya I would,” Mama said in that cocky manner she had. “This one’s foolproof.”

  “Nothin’s foolproof, Ma,” I argued, but she gave me that look she had that always shut me right up, and I did just that.

  “He’s right,” Carissa said, receiving the same look I had just gotten. It proved to have the same effect on her as it did me, which wasn’t shocking at all. Mama was just that intimidating, even while her health faded.

  “Y’all will hear me out before y’all start arguin’ with me. And y’all will listen with your minds open or I’ll get that wooden spoon over there,” Mama threatened, and I knew instantly that whatever scheme she’d devised would be vetoed by both Carissa and I long before either of us agreed to it. Unfortunately, I also knew we’d end up agreeing to it in the end because that’s all my mother would settle for.

  “What’s the wooden spoon for?” Carissa asked, and I looked up at her, stunned. Hadn’t she ever had her butt spanked with one of those before? It hurt worse than breaking a bone when Mama was the one wielding it, which was a good part of the reason why I didn’t push my luck very often.

  “To whoop some sense into that behind of yours if ya decide ta argue with my plan,” Mama said with a great deal of satisfaction.

  If I hadn’t chased Carissa off yesterday with my behavior, Mama was doing a damn good job of finishing what I’d failed to do. Carissa looked horrified at the declaration and ready to hightail it out of here as fast as her bare feet could take her. “I’m sure you’ll come around ta seein’ things my way by the time we’re done.”

  Chapter Nine

  Carissa

  My head was spinning, and I’d almost lost my breakfast by the time Bonnie had finished laying her plan out on the table for Kolton and me to digest. It was absolute insanity and against everything I told her I wanted for myself and my life going forward. I’d specifically told her I wanted to do things on my own and make it standing on my own two feet, not shackled to a man who blocked me at every turn.

  “Mama, listen to reason here,” Kolton tried, but Bonnie shook her head and raised her hand in a stopping motion toward him.

  “The two of ya are gonna get hitched, and that’s the end of this discussion. She can’t be forced ta marry that idjit her daddy picked out if she’s already legally wed ta you,” Bonnie pointed out for the fiftieth time, as if it made perfect sense that she was doing the same thing to me that my father was but for different reasons.

  “I don’t want to be married,” I objected once again, and once again she ignored me.

  “Do I need ta get my trusty spoon?” Bonnie threatened, and I shut up immediately, even though it killed me to do so. My feet were itching to run as far and as fast as they could from Bonnie and her ridiculous solution that really wasn’t a solution at all. “Now ya like Kolt a helluva lot more than ya like that other fella your daddy was forcin’ on ya, right?”

  All I could do was nod my head in response. My head was whirling at how crappy of a day this was already turning out to be, and I hadn’t even finished eating the blueberry pancakes Kolton had made. He was surprisingly an amazing cook.

  “Then wouldn’t ya rather be hitched ta him than that other fella?” Bonnie asked as if that solved my entire argument against her plan.

  “Mama, she has plans for her future, and this would disrupt all that,” Kolton attempted reasoning with her, but all he got for his efforts was a glare from her. I was grateful he’d seemed to remember what I’d told them.

  “And why can’t she do both? Ya gonna stop her from pursuin’ her dream?” Bonnie asked, lifting an eyebrow as she stared him down.

  “Of course I’d never do that,” Kolton protested, thoroughly offended by her suggestion, and it warmed my heart that had seemed to turn into a sliver of ice in my chest when Bonnie had laid everything out before us.

  “Ya need ta get back to your studies, too, and quit hoverin’ over me night and day. It works out beautifully.” She grinned, spreading her arms out wide as if we should just simply fall in line with her logic.

  I briefly wanted to ask about her mention of Kolton’s incomplete studies but decided now wasn’t the time or place. We needed to focus on Bonnie and send her back to the idea drawing board before I ended up with a ring on my finger—before the end of the day, at the rate she was going.

  “I’m not goin’ back, Ma. Ya need me here,” he protested, shooting a worried look in my direction before resuming focus on his mother. “No way in hell I’m leavin’ ya ta fend for yourself when you’re so ill.”

  The heart that just warmed with his remembrance of what was important to me fell to a shriveled lump in the pit of my stomach upon hearing those words. I’d already suspected, but having it confirmed just gutted me. Now I was torn even more. My feet and head were screaming at me to get the hell out of Dodge before Bonnie succeeded where my father failed, but my heart and other lady bits were shrieking their approval of Bonnie’s plan, doing their very best to convince me that marrying Kolton was my best option toward living the life I’d dreamed. I was utterly confused as I listened to mother and son bicker back and forth.

  “Ya will go back. I’m a grown-ass woman who don’t need her son babyin’ her ‘round the clock. You’re young and alive, so go live,” Bonnie argued, her cheeks growing red with her irritation with Kolton.

  “I’m not changin’ my mind, Ma, so let it go,” Kolton dug his feet in, giving his mother as good as she was giving him.

  Suddenly, it didn’t feel like this argument had anything to do with my predicament and everything to do with something they’d been dancing around for a while now.

  “I’m not gettin’ any worse, so ya might as well get an education. You’re meant for so much more than this place,” Bonnie said, softening toward the end as if she was saddened by the fact Kolton felt he was trapped here. Or maybe she felt he was. It was hard to tell.

  “I love this place!” Kolton hollered, disbelief coloring his words as if she’d suggest otherwise. “My entire life’s plans revolve around this place.”

  “Ya should go and explore the world before ya go makin’ plans like that,” Bonnie argued, obviously beginning to wear down, her sadness echoing through my heart.

  “What if there were a way he could do both?” I asked, an idea suddenly bursting into my head.

  Both turned their heads and stared at me as if I’d grown horns. Obviously, they thought I’d lost my mind, but the idea was simple and pure genius.

  “That’s impossible,” Kolton spat angrily.

  “It’s not really, and people do it all the time. I’m shocked you haven’t done it yet,” I told him, keeping calm, despite my stomach doing flips at all that masculine rage flying my direction. Oh what I wouldn’t give for him to rip me out of this chair, bend me over the table, yank my pajamas down my legs, and shred my panties before plunging his huge cock deep inside me. It took some work to keep my breathing regulated as the imagery rolled through my brain like it had for most of th
e night.

  “Go ahead, dear,” Bonnie said, eager to hear the idea rolling around my brain.

  Kolton didn’t seem all that thrilled, which gave me an idea that he might already know what I was thinking and had already ruled it out. I didn’t care if he had or not. I hated seeing the two of them bicker like this.

  “Kolton could take classes online via the internet. People do it all the time to get credits when their schedule or location doesn’t fit with the classes they need to take.” The more I spoke, the more I loved the idea, not only for Kolton, but for myself as well. It would help me stay hidden longer, as well as take steps toward creating the future I wanted for myself.

  “That’s a fantastic idea!” Bonnie cheered happily. “The best of both worlds.”

  “Essentially,” I said modestly while ignoring Kolton’s glares and churning my own plans in my head.

  “So here’s what we’re gonna do. The two of ya are gonna head on over ta Vegas and get hitched, as soon as y’all can swing it, then after spendin’ the weekend there honeymoonin’, y’all can hightail your toushes back here and get enrolled in that online schoolin’ Carissa mentioned. Her doin’ it with her married name oughta help make her harder ta find than enrollin’ with her maiden name.” Bonnie smiled with a childlike glint of mischief in her eyes. Her energy was waning, but she hadn’t given up the fight on her idea and wasn’t likely to go rest voluntarily unless we finally agreed to it. “And don’t go thinkin’ y’all can pull one over on ol’ Bonnie here ‘cause I’ll be sending a coupla the boys with y’all ta witness the entire thing and sign the marriage certificate.”

  Kolton groaned in misery, dropping his head down onto his folded arms in what looked like defeat. What I didn’t understand is what Bonnie seemed to think Kolton would get out of this arrangement. From all appearances, I was the only one who benefited, but again, I knew just how deceiving appearances could truly be.