Hiding Behind Love Read online

  “We’ve dealt with our fair share of trouble. Don’t go worryin’ ‘bout us,” Kolton replied, his eyes searching mine to see if he could discover my secrets. It was unsettling at how deeply his eyes pierced into my soul. Rather than divulge my secrets, I wanted to take his hand and lead him back to my bedroom for a thorough exploration of each other.

  “We can already tell you’re a good girl. We truly wanna help ya in every way we can, but we can’t do that without knowin’ what kinda help ta offer ya,” Bonnie said, patting my hand with her frail one, sending guilt flooding through me.

  I should’ve kept going last night instead of stopping here. These people are too good for me to drop my problems on and accept their help. My father would make sure they lost everything if they went against him, I thought to myself as I swallowed down the lump in my throat and fought back the tears welling in my eyes.

  “Ma, maybe we should back off and let her come to us on her own if she decides she wants to confide in us,” Kolton suggested, and I could’ve kissed him in that moment, but Bonnie was stubborn.

  “By then it could be too late or she’ll have already bolted like the scared filly she acts like. I wanna help her now before it comes ta either of them things,” Bonnie argued, and my heart both broke and warmed at the same time. It was an odd sensation to experience.

  “My father demanded I marry a soon-to-be partner in his law firm that repulses me,” I gushed without thought, unable to stand listening to them disagree over me. “I don’t want to be married. I want to go back to school and get my degree in veterinary science with a focus on equine, instead of the stupid philosophy degree he’d forced me to get. I want a chance to make friends other than the ones he dictates I can have, and spread my wings before being tied down as a Stepford wife like my mother.”

  I was breathing heavily by the time I’d finished and couldn’t believe I’d just word vomited all that. My parents would be appalled at my behavior, but it felt as if a huge load had been removed from my shoulders. I felt lighter and even happier to have someone—make that two someones—to share the burden with.

  “Why in heaven’s name would he force ya ta marry a guy that makes ya ill bein’ ‘round him?” Bonnie asked, appalled but not seeming to be surprised.

  “Last time I checked, this isn’t the 1800s, and it’s not acceptable behavior to arrange your children’s marriages,” Kolton said, disgust and anger making his words thick and heavy, as if they were tangible things.

  “Let me think on it a bit, girl, while ya get some rest. I’ll have an idea or two for ya come mornin’ that’ll help ya get outta this mess,” Bonnie said, her gaze growing distant as her brain went to work finding a solution, and a smile on her lips to soothe me as I stared at them, horrified by what I’d done.

  I’d always been raised with the understanding that what happens at home, stays at home, no matter what. You didn’t go around telling people your business because they could use it against you as a weapon. They’d always preached that the only one you could trust was yourself, and if you were the only one who knew your secrets, people couldn’t harm you. As the good daughter I am—well, was—I’d always adhered to their strict rules, sticking to meaningless interactions and discussing mundane topics such as the weather, fashion, or entertainment.

  “If anyone can come up with a way outta this for ya, she sure as shit can,” Kolton told me with pride as he gazed at his mama.

  There was something else in his eyes I was having a hard time putting my finger on. It seemed like a mixture of sadness, worry, and dread all jumbled together, but I held my tongue in check, not asking what was wrong with Bonnie and if there was anything I could do to help. I was going to take Kolton’s advice and let them come to me, since it seemed as if my escape from here wouldn’t be happening tonight anyway.

  Bonnie hobbled out of the room, only having eaten maybe half of her food, leaving Kolton and I alone at the table.

  “I’m sorry she’s so pushy,” Kolton told me sincerely, and his voice washed over me like a warm waterfall.

  “You can’t control your parents,” I told him with a shrug of the shoulders, trying to play off the fact that my body was overheating just from listening to him talk. And it wasn’t even dirty talk making me this hot and bothered.

  “If we could, ya wouldn’t have found your way here,” Kolton said, and even though my ears might have been lying to me, I could have sworn he’d sounded grateful. I mentally waved it off, sure I was conjuring up things in my aroused state that weren’t real. “You can head on up to bed. I’ll take care of the cleanup.”

  The smart thing to do would’ve been to take him up on his offer. Instead, I backed my chair up, picked up both Bonnie’s plate and my own, and headed to the sink. I set both down on the counter, wondering what the hell I’d been thinking. I’d never washed a dish before in my life. We’d always had staff to handle those minute details for us. Hell, what had I been thinking offering to help Bonnie with the housekeeping around here? These skills were not in my wheelhouse, and yet here I was, doing my best to make a fool of myself in front of them.

  I stood there, staring blankly at the sink, wondering where to even begin, when Kolton came up behind me and chuckled.

  “Yep, definitely see the New York in ya now,” he said, and I cringed at his teasing.

  I’d always been the odd girl out, even at the elite schools my parents sent me to. Somehow, it was worse coming from him than it ever had been coming from those rich snobs back home.

  “Good night,” I told him, my voice sounding angry when I really felt mortified. I couldn’t do something as simple as wash dishes. I didn’t belong here.

  “Aw, come on,” Kolton drawled, boxing me in and refusing to let me escape to my room. “Just givin’ ya a hard time.”

  “You’re right, though. I should be able to do a task this simple and can’t. Thank you for your hospitality, dinner, and the room for the night,” I told him, fully intending to bolt, but he had other plans for me.

  “Now don’t go runnin’ and hidin’ over somethin’ stupid like this. It’s easy to learn how to do basic chores. You’re gonna have to, if you’re gonna be helpin’ Ma around here anyway, right?” Kolton cut to the chase, using my inexperience to his benefit. As much as I didn’t want to, I had to admit I wanted to be close to him for a little while longer. At least while I could before I had to leave.

  “That’s true,” I hedged, backing up a step until my butt was against the rim of the sink. Kolton took a step forward, maintaining the distance between us he’d set, just like he had in the barn, unwilling to concede an inch. Unlike the barn incident, though, he had me boxed in and unable to escape without touching him somehow, ramping up the desire coursing through my veins.

  How do I keep going from horny to embarrassed, back to horny in such short time frames? I asked myself, completely bewildered by the affect this man had over my body. It wasn’t just his body that drew me in either. His mind, the way he cared about his mother and looked after the guys he employed all captivated me and held me in his snare.

  Bonnie had spent the time I’d come down from my room until the steaks were finished filling me in on all of Kolton’s finer qualities. If she were a boyfriend saleswoman, I’d have been sold on the spot. Hell, I’d been thinking she should open up one of those dating sites and run it herself. She’d make a killing convincing others who their significant other was.

  Unfortunately for her, I wasn’t in the market for a man—just trying to get away from two of them.

  “Help me with the dishes,” Kolton said softly, almost seductively, as if he was really asking me to help him with something other than the mundane chore.

  “What is this?” I asked him, searching his eyes for something, but I had no idea what. What was this pull between us?

  “What do ya want it to be?” His voice was husky, and I couldn’t mistake the desire there.

  “It can’t be anything,” I told him regretfully. “I have eno
ugh domineering men in my life trying to run it. I don’t need another one complicating it further.”

  “I’m not interested in a relationship, Carissa. Been there, done that, not interested. But I can’t deny that I’m attracted ta ya, and I won’t either,” he told me, his eyes dropping first to my lips before landing on my heaving chest. His proximity, words, and the sound of his voice were tempting me in ways I shouldn’t want to explore. I had dreams to follow and a life to build. A life that didn’t include a man making a mess of things and always telling me I was wrong for wanting what I wanted.

  “Good because you won’t get one from me,” I told him, self-consciously crossing my arms over my chest to break the lust-filled stare he was keeping leveled there. My girls were all for it, too, begging me to release them from their prisons to play with his hands and mouth. I could already feel the warmth of his tongue lapping at my nipples, and he hadn’t even touched me yet.

  “So how about helping me with those dishes? Or is that too relationshipy for you?” he asked, arching an eyebrow to accent his sarcasm.

  My head spun wildly. How did our conversations always manage to circle around multiple topics at the same time? How did talking about washing dishes become sexual in nature with us? This man threw me for a loop every time I talked to him.

  “You wash, I dry?” I asked, thinking I could handle drying the dishes easily. Kolton closed his eyes as if it was physically painful for him to process my question and realized his mind had totally gone into the gutter. Mine quickly followed his, and I realized just how dirty that could sound to a horny country boy like him. “The dishes!”

  “You’re killin’ me,” Kolton mumbled, pushing away from where he gripped the counter and held me trapped, finally putting some space between us.

  I quickly began pulling in long gulps of cooling air as the cocoon of his body heat left me standing there feeling lost in a sea of…what? Emotion? Hormones? Hell, I didn’t know, and I hated it.

  He moved over and placed a plug down in the basin before twisting the knobs for the water to begin filling one side of the sink. I watched as he squirted some dish soap into the water, doing my best to absorb the information for future use, whether I stayed here or not.

  As the sink filled, he scraped off the dishes into a small bag hanging from a drawer pull next to him and slid each one into the soapy water. Seeing the soap glide across his tanned skin, images of seeing him in a tub full of steaming, soapy water flooded my brain, and I couldn’t get them to go away.

  In my mind, he was leaning back, beckoning me to him, the suds-filled water lapping at his chest and legs where he had them parted for me to seat myself and lean back against his rock-hard chest. As soon as I was situated with him in the water, his hands landed on my shoulders, sliding down smoothly to cover my breasts as they ached for his touch, filling his calloused hands perfectly as if those were the only hands meant to caress them.

  My panties were drenched as I finally succeeded in shaking the scene playing out in my mind. There was no way in hell I could allow him to get to me like that, even though he already was. I had to put the brakes on my body’s natural reactions to him and control my errant thoughts.

  Unfortunately, he was what my world was beginning to revolve around. I couldn’t wait for the next opportunity to see or speak with him, even if just for a few moments.

  “You all right?” Kolton asked, breaking up my thoughts and pulling my attention back to the chore in front of us. Apparently, he’d already been washing, and there were several items already in the rinse side of the sink that I hadn’t been drying because I’d been lost in my own head. I was just thankful this hadn’t been one of those moments where I talked through my inner dialogue. That would’ve been even more horrifying than having to admit I had no idea how to wash dishes.

  “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good,” I told him and picked up the towel and my first dish to dry, concentrating hard on what I was supposed to be doing and outlawing any and all thoughts related to the man standing next to me looking sexy as hell and not ashamed of it in the slightest.

  We brushed up against each other several times in the course of finishing the dishes, and as I worked on putting them away, Kolton drained the sink and wiped down the counters. I couldn’t stop myself from staring at his ass when he leaned over the table to reach the other side. Damn, those Wranglers really fit him like a glove.

  It took me a second to realize he’d caught me staring, and I felt my face turn beet red. Without a word, I tossed the towel on the counter, abandoning my part of the job, and raced out of the kitchen for the room that was entirely too close to his. There was no way I’d be getting any sleep. I’d probably be better off moving back down to the stables if I wanted any real rest.

  Chapter Eight

  Kolton

  Lying there on my back, staring at the ceiling as the light changed with the moon shifting its position over the course of the night was driving me insane. Knowing Carissa was so close, yet still out of my reach, had me restless and wide awake. It also didn’t help that my fear of her taking off had my ears perked for any creak of the floorboards so I could stop her and do my best to convince her to stay.

  Why it was so damned important to me that she not leave was beyond me. It wasn’t as if I was interested in anything more than a romp or two in the sack to purge her from my blood. The soldier in my pants was dying to sink himself deep inside her core, burying himself to the hilt and drowning in her hot, wet juices as he slid in and out repeatedly.

  Damn, another round with my hand. Why couldn’t I stop thinking about fucking this damned woman? A woman who was nothing but trouble waiting to happen. Why was it I itched to just be in the same room with her, to hear her voice and anything she deemed important enough to say? Why did feeling her gaze land anywhere on my body light me up brighter than the sun on a hot summer day?

  I had zero answers to those questions that I wanted to acknowledge. Somehow, I just knew Carissa would be my undoing. Hell, I even loved the sound of her name on my lips as I whispered it when I released to fantasies of what all I’d do to her if—no, make that when—I got her in my bed. My imagination had never been this vivid before either. Not even with Karlene, and believe me, I’d fucked her plenty.

  After cleaning myself up, I flopped back down on the bed to stare at the ceiling some more. I needed to find a way to control my physical response to her. If she’d have been interested in no-strings-attached sex, she would’ve taken me up on my offer back in the kitchen, so I hadn’t pressed the issue further. I couldn’t stop myself from “accidentally” brushing up against her every chance I got, though, or staring at her ass whenever she reached up to place a dish on a shelf higher up, loving how her shirt rode up to tease at the skin right above the band of her tight-fitting, cut-off shorts.

  “Fucking stop it already,” I ordered myself in a low voice, hoping she wouldn’t hear me. Last thing I needed was her thinking I was some sort of pervy psycho in here jacking off and talking to myself. I’d stand no chance of getting a taste of her then.

  It felt like forever before the sky hinted of the sun’s upcoming arrival, and I hopped out of bed. It was about an hour earlier than normal, but I didn’t care. Getting up early was better than just biding time until I needed to get out of bed.

  Shoving my feet into my slippers, I slipped out of the room and tiptoed down the stairs to start coffee in the pot. I was going to be drinking a lot of it today, and every day to come if Carissa ended up staying with us longer than last night. And that was only if Mama managed to come up with a good plan to help her out.

  Once the coffee pot was turned on and starting its process, I sifted through the fridge, trying to decide what to make for breakfast. The very day Mama had been diagnosed, and after a long argument from her, I’d taken over the cooking for all of us. It was added stress she didn’t need, even though she loved cooking and baking for all of us who kept the ranch running smooth.

  “You’re up earlier th
an the sun,” Mama observed as she shuffled into the room and took her seat at the table.

  I hated seeing her so weak, a shell of her normally vibrant self. Two things that hadn’t diminished was her vivacious personality and tough demeanor. She dished it out in much smaller doses, but that just made the impact much stronger. Her energy level didn’t allow for her to be as active as she’d normally been either. Most days, she was exhausted from the time she woke up until the time she finally gave in and slept again. I couldn’t tell you how hard it was to watch her go through this, staying positive and fighting tooth and nail. She was, is, and always would be my hero.

  “Couldn’t sleep,” I muttered, staring at the coffee carafe, willing the damn machine to brew faster. I needed to invest in one of those super-fast coffee makers like what they had in the diner down the way. Those things had a pot brewed in roughly a minute, start to finish.

  Mama didn’t say a word, which was unlike her, so I turned around to make sure she was all right, only to find her smiling broadly at me, nodding her head in satisfaction, as if she knew what thoughts had plagued me and kept me from my slumber.

  Ugh. No matter how sick she was, she had more than enough energy to still be a busybody and to try to play matchmaker.

  “She’s not Karlene, and ya’d best get that through your head. She won’t do ya like that. That girl is good straight to her core,” Mama told me firmly without losing the smile. It made her look almost twenty years younger. I’d missed this smile, and it made me want to do anything to keep it on her lips for as long as I could.

  “Cut it out, Mama,” I moaned. “I’m not interested, and neither is she. Ya heard her last night. She doesn’t want a man in her life.”

  “She just doesn’t know she wants a man in her life. All she’s ever dealt with are controllin’ assholes. She’s never experienced a real man like yourself who can show her what real love is like,” Mama said, sure she was right, no matter what Carissa or I said to the contrary. “Which makes my idea absolutely perfect ta help her outta her predicament.”