Hiding Behind Love Read online

  “Now hurry up and come join me before the herd of buffalo come stompin’ through. It’s been forever since I’ve had another woman ta talk to,” Bonnie said happily as she picked up a carrot, dipped it generously in ranch, and bit into it. I wondered if the ranch was good for her with her health being what it was, although I didn’t know exactly what that might be, but I decided not to broach the subject. It wasn’t my place, even though I was already growing fond of the tough-as-nails woman in such a short amount of time.

  I hurried along, placing sliced ham, lettuce, pickles, tomatoes, and onions on the bread before closing up the sandwich. I snagged a few of the carrots and snap peas along with ranch to go with it before sliding into the seat Kolton had occupied before my arrival. If he wasn’t going to join us for lunch, I saw no reason to have the added space between Bonnie and me as we ate and talked.

  She smiled warmly when she saw my new location and took another bite of her carrot. “Now tell me, where are ya from?”

  About to swallow, I almost choked on a bite of snap pea at her eager question. There didn’t seem to be a shy bone in the woman’s body, and she didn’t hesitate to ask what she wanted to know. I both admired and dreaded that in her.

  “New York,” I responded once I’d cleared my throat and taken a sip of the sweet tea in front of me, not realizing at first that it had been Kolton’s and he’d left it behind.

  “Really? Where at in New York? The big city?” Bonnie peppered me with rapid-fire questions, seeming anxious to absorb any tidbit of information I was willing to offer.

  “I was born and raised in New York City,” I said, not expounding like I knew she was hoping I would do. As it was, it was already uncomfortable divulging this much information about myself, but lying to this woman felt all sorts of wrong.

  “So what’re ya doin’ here of all places?” she asked, her keen eyes alert for any deception from me.

  I had no idea how to answer that, so I picked up my sandwich and took a bite larger than I was used to, taking the time I needed while chewing to figure out a response that was neither full truth, nor lie.

  I chewed slowly, no answer seeming strong enough to sate Bonnie’s demand for knowledge about the woman she was allowing to reside in her home. I didn’t want to tell her the whole story but saw no way around giving her the basics.

  “My father is a demanding man and has always expected me to do exactly what he tells me to do. He told me to do something that I’m not comfortable with and refused to listen to my objections, so I left. I didn’t plan out my trip, just got on a bus and took off, getting off at the first stop that felt right,” I said and shrugged as if it were no big deal, downplaying the situation for her benefit, but I saw in her eyes, she knew what I was doing.

  “What was it he told ya ta do?” she asked, not missing a thing as she watched me closely. She’d stopped eating altogether and made me her entire focus. I was uncomfortable and praying someone would come in and save me from her interrogation.

  “Uh…” I hesitated, searching for the right words that would get her to stop digging for information.

  “Heya, Bonnie,” a male voice rang out as the back door swung open. A skinny man in dirty work clothes stepped inside wearing a smile as wide as the Grand Canyon. Relief flooded through me at his interruption, but I saw the determination in Bonnie’s eyes. She wouldn’t be letting this go, no matter how many people filed through here for food, joined us to eat, and took off again. This was just a temporary reprieve.

  “What’re ya so happy about, Caleb?” Bonnie asked, grinning back at the man. “Don’t ya still have ta muck the stalls?”

  “Seein’ yer stunnin’ face is enough ta make me happy,” he retorted, shooting her a wink, noticing me and stopping short. “Didn’t know ya had comp’ny.”

  “This is Carissa. She’ll be stayin’ with us a little while ta help out a bit. You’d better be on your best behavior around her or I’ll have your ass for supper this weekend,” Bonnie threatened, a stern look hardening her face. “Pass that around ta all the other guys, too, since I don’t feel like repeatin’ myself.”

  “Sure thing. Nice ta meet ya, Carissa,” Caleb said, holding out a calloused, dirty hand which I reluctantly shook only out of the obligation of being polite. As discreetly as possible, I wiped my hand on my napkin once I’d released his and he’d moved over to the food.

  “Where’s the rest of them?” Bonnie asked as Caleb made up his plate.

  “They’re on their way. Justin and Marv had a disagreement back behind the barn that Kolton had ta put a stop ta a few minutes ago,” Caleb said, and it reminded me of a small kid tattletaling on a sibling or classmate.

  “Those boys are just pissin’ me off.” Bonnie slammed her hand against the table, rattling the plates and glasses resting on its surface. I jumped at her sudden display of anger.

  “Kolton told me not ta say anythin’ but there’s no way in hell I wanna be on yer bad side,” Caleb said, taking the seat across from me and focusing on his food. “I like my balls right where they are, thank ya very much.”

  Bonnie shook her head and chuckled softly without losing the ferocity of her ire at whoever Justin and Marv were and whatever their dispute had been. Judging by the look on her face, this altercation wasn’t the first and probably wouldn’t be the last between the two men.

  Caleb dug into his lunch without another word, and Bonnie nibbled disinterestedly at the veggies she’d had me bring her, her attention fully focused on the door and whoever might come through it next.

  I felt out of place as I finished my lunch. Several more guys came through, making plates, greeting Bonnie, and exchanging polite greetings as she introduced me to them, and then heading back out. The names slipped through my memory as if I hadn’t heard them at all, knowing none of them had been the two who’d gotten Bonnie upset. Kolton hadn’t reappeared yet either.

  “Want me to put away the food?” I asked timidly. It was weird and not at all me, but I didn’t want to tip her anger in my direction.

  “Might as well. Those jackasses are deliberately avoidin’ me right now and deserve to miss lunch for their childish antics,” she stormed, pushing herself up from her seat at the table. “They know better than ta think they’re gettin’ off that easy though.”

  I jumped to my feet and moved to assist her back into the living room or her bedroom, whichever her destination was, when I saw her wobble slightly before she waved me away once again.

  “I’m fine. Old age sure is a bitch though,” she joked, but I didn’t find it funny. There was more going on than that with her, whether she wanted to admit it or not.

  “I don’t mind helping,” I told her, still worried she’d fall and seriously injure herself because of her stubborn pride.

  “You already are. Get that food put away. I’m goin’ ta get a nap in before Kolt starts hoverin’ like a mother hen again,” Bonnie said, warm affection in her voice when she mentioned Kolton. The love she felt for her son was palpable, and I couldn’t help but feel jealous over how openly she shared it with him and the world. All I’d ever felt from my parents was a sense of duty and responsibility. They’d never outwardly shown love toward me or each other unless they were in the public eye.

  She reached over and patted my hand gently. “After you’re finished, go ahead and rest for a bit. I’m not up for doin’ any cleanin’ today, so ya might as well take advantage of the break. I’ve heard I’m a real slave driver when I get goin’.”

  With a grin and a wink, she turned away and began slowly making her way out of the kitchen. I debated following her but decided that she’d let me know if she needed my help and got to work on the food.

  After I put together a sandwich for Kolton, it took me a few minutes to find everything I needed to package up the leftovers. I didn’t feel right about him skipping lunch, especially when I felt as if it was my fault he’d rushed out of here so quickly. Plus, he’d done all the work to get this together for everyone; he shoul
d at least get to enjoy the fruits of his labor.

  After everything was tucked away in the fridge, I grabbed the plate I’d covered in Saran Wrap and headed out the back door to search him out. The last place I’d heard of him being was in the stables, so I decided to start there.

  “Hey there, missy. Whatcha doin’ out here?” Caleb called out as I approached the stable door, a friendly smile on his older face.

  “Kolton missed lunch, so I thought I’d bring him something to eat. Is he still in there?” I asked, tipping my head in the direction I’d been headed.

  “Well ain’t that sweet of ya.” Caleb smirked at me. “Last I saw ‘im, yeah, he was in there. Not in the best of moods, though, so be careful.”

  I raised an eyebrow at his warning, but he didn’t say anything else, just raised a hand and headed off in a different direction. I watched him go for a minute before squaring my shoulders, taking a deep breath, and steeling myself for whatever mood Kolton happened to be in when I found him.

  Three steps later, I was sliding open the door and stepping inside the cavernous building. The smell of manure hit me first, but it had never been a scent that bothered me. In fact, I’d always loved it because it told me the animals themselves were usually nearby.

  “Who’s there?” I heard Kolton call out from somewhere ahead of me. I couldn’t see him though.

  “I thought you might be hungry, so I brought you a sandwich,” I replied, lifting my voice so he could hear me over the noises the horses made.

  “Carissa?” Kolton asked, stepping out of one of the stalls, wiping his hands on his jeans as he stared at me with an unreadable expression.

  “That would be me,” I commented dryly, hoping he’d at least crack a smile. His face remained impassive, however, and I tried to bury the sharp sting of pain that pierced my heart at his aloofness. I’d become accustomed to his flirty, friendly banter, so this new Kolton was a slap in the face—not unlike my mother’s harsh punishment when I was eight. “Sorry if I’m bothering you. Don’t mean to get in your way while you’re working.”

  “You brought me a sandwich?” he finally broke the silence that seemed to stretch on forever between us, ramping up the tension exponentially.

  “I didn’t know what you liked, so I hope I did okay. Bonnie went to go take a nap, so I couldn’t ask her…” I shrugged helplessly as his eyes blazed into mine with an expression I couldn’t understand.

  “Why?” he asked harshly, and it caught me off guard.

  “What do you mean?” I asked, taking a step backward without thinking about it. He took a step forward, maintaining the close proximity he’d stopped at when he’d reached me.

  “Why did you make me a sandwich?” he asked, his voice rougher, as if he was barely maintaining control, and it sent shivers racing down my spine. Every nerve ending in my body responded to him, desperately screaming for him to touch me. Words failed me as we stood there, barely any space between our bodies, staring into each other’s eyes.

  Time seemed to stand still as we hung suspended in the moment until a horse behind me stuck its nose out of the stall, nudging my shoulder and nipping at it, startling me back to reality.

  “Here. Hope you like it,” I said quickly, shoving the plate into his hand before turning on my heel and bolting from the stable.

  “Carissa,” Kolton called out behind me, but I didn’t stop until I reached the house, panting desperately for air. My body already ached from the long walk the day before, and this run hadn’t helped matters any. I was beginning to understand just how out of shape I really was with all of this recent exertion.

  Not waiting to see if he followed me, I hurried inside, my lungs still burning as they sucked in gulps of air, protesting my refusal to pause and let them catch up to my activity level. I didn’t stop until I was securely in my room with the door shut and—I thought—locked behind me.

  “You’ve gotten yourself into one heck of a mess now,” I told myself, the words echoing in the empty room, enhancing the loneliness that had always been my constant companion. “How the hell are you going to get yourself out of this?”

  Talking to myself had always been something I’d done to try to feel less isolated. It had never worked but had become a habit nonetheless. I’m sure some thought I was certifiable when they’d heard me, but no one ever commented on it.

  I sat on the end of the bed and stared out through the window at the distant horizon. I wondered if I should attempt to sneak out after everyone had settled down for the night. It would be the simplest way to get out of here without having to answer more of Bonnie’s probing questions or igniting whatever it was that passed between Kolton and I whenever we were near each other.

  The man ran hot and cold, and my head spun with how quickly he shifted between the two. It never failed though; whatever mood he was in, I was still hot and bothered, wanting to impale myself on the hard cock I’d seen outlined in his pants just before he’d torn out of the kitchen like a bat out of hell.

  He was definitely well endowed, and I wanted more than anything to experience fucking him until neither of us knew our own names. Somehow, I knew if I allowed that to happen, there would be no leaving this place for me. Whatever connection existed between Kolton and I had to be cut off before he could end up hanging me with it.

  “Hey, are you okay?” Kolton asked through the door as he knocked. When I didn’t answer right away, panic bubbling up from the pit of my stomach, he jiggled the knob to see if I’d left it unlocked.

  “Yeah. I’m good,” I called back, just as the knob began to turn. The realization that I’d completely forgotten to twist the lock behind me hit me as I heard the creaky doorknob squeak as it began to turn, and I slapped myself on the forehead. In my defense, locks were strictly forbidden in our household. My parents wouldn’t allow me to be able to put a barrier between myself and them, especially if I were in trouble for something, and since I had my own private bathroom, one wasn’t necessary for that either, since no one else needed access to it.

  Unfortunately, that didn’t stop Kolton for a moment. The door swung open, and we were once again face to face. Instead of the fierce, unreadable expression that had blazed from his eyes down in the stables, they now held kindness and concern.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude back there,” he apologized carefully, maintaining eye contact with me.

  I’d never been apologized to before. My parents always thought apologies were for the weak.

  “It’s all right,” I said softly, not sure he’d even heard what I’d said.

  “No. It’s not. You didn’t deserve how I treated ya. Especially after you did somethin’ so thoughtful,” he said, taking a step farther into the room. The closer he got, the more trapped and excited I felt. The conflicting emotions were driving me insane.

  I took a step backward, trying to keep some distance between us as he moved closer. I didn’t know what he wanted me to say, so I stayed quiet, praying he’d leave me alone so I could figure out what to do next. Staying was something I both desperately wanted—so I could see if there really was anything to these intense feelings simmering between Kolton and I—and something I feared as stopping this soon in my journey surely made me easier to locate by my father.

  As if he could see the war waging in my eyes, he reached a hand out to me and pleaded, “Please, don’t leave.”

  “I can’t stay,” I told him, not realizing I’d made a choice already.

  “You can. Just stop runnin’, and let us help ya,” he said, closing the distance between us and stroking my cheek with his finger. “I promise, I’ll be better.”

  “You haven’t done anything wrong,” I told him, lost in the pools of his eyes.

  “If ya only knew,” he muttered before dropping his hand and taking a step backward. “I really am sorry. I hope you don’t leave because I was an ass.”

  He turned on the heel of his boot and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. I waited until the soun
d of his footsteps reached the bottom level before sinking down onto the bed and staring at the ceiling. What the hell was going on here? My mind tried desperately to piece together the puzzle that was Kolton Reed.

  Chapter Six

  Kolton

  Without a doubt, I knew I’d spooked Carissa into running. I could see it in her eyes and knew my asking her to stay had no effect. I wracked my brain for ways to change her mind, considering I was the one who fucked up to begin with.

  “What’s rattlin’ around that skull of yers?” Caleb asked, perching on the gate to the stall I was busy mucking for the fourth time today, avoiding going back to the house and facing Mama and Carissa after being such a dick.

  “Nothin’” I told him, unwilling to gossip about Carissa to the hands, even if Caleb was the most discreet of them all and practically family.

  “Now that there is a lie if I ever did hear one,” Caleb accused, pointing his gnarled finger at me. He’d been here as long as I could remember, working alongside my daddy before he up and left, and then holding down the fort until I was old enough to take the reins from him. He was just too stubborn to retire.

  “Can’t a man get his work done in peace?” I snapped, throwing him a dirty look over my shoulder.

  “I guess he could, but where’d the fun be in that?” he asked with a chuckle. “‘Sides, I’m pretty sure it has somethin’ ta do with that pretty little filly that just happened to appear ‘round here this mornin’ outta thin air, and that’s always juicy gossip.”

  “I’m pretty sure Mama already warned y’all ‘bout talkin’ ‘bout Carissa behind her back,” I said, straightening to my full height and looking at him directly. “Her business is her business and no one else’s.”

  “From the looks of things, ya’d sure like her business ta be yer business, as soon as ya can manage it.” Caleb grinned and winked at me.