Hiding Behind Love Read online

  My mouth would trail kisses down along her jawline toward her beautiful tits, tasting and ramping up her pleasure as I drew everything out. I could almost hear her begging me to take her as I skipped over her breasts and continued my path down her soft, smooth stomach toward the nirvana that lay dripping for me between her legs. I’d bet money that she tasted sweeter there than any other woman I’d ever tasted, but I quickly shook that thought away. That meant another man touching and tasting her there, and that just wasn’t going to happen.

  What the hell? I had no right to make such a claim, considering she wasn’t mine and I’d sworn off women for the rest of my life. Aw, but I knew without a doubt I was right.

  “Son of a—” I bit off the curse as I cut my finger with the knife I’d been using to slice tomatoes for the sandwiches I’d been preparing while lost in my fantasy.

  “You all right in there?” Mama called out, immediately worrying like she always did.

  “I’m fine!” I hollered back, hoping I’d caught her before she pushed out of her chair and hurried in here. Unfortunately, that was getting slower and slower the longer she had to wait on that damned list for a heart. I hated seeing her deterioration but was helpless to stop it from happening.

  I sucked on the cut as I turned toward the sink and flipped the hot water on, immediately hearing a screech echo down the stairs. Damn, I was on a roll. I’d totally forgotten that I’d steal the hot water from Carissa’s shower if I turned it on down here and she’d instantly be rained on with an icy-cold spray.

  “Sorry!” I yelled as loud as I could up the stairs, hoping she could hear me as I flipped the knob back off.

  “What are ya doin’ in there, boy?” Mama called out. “Tryin’ ta chase her off before she even gets one good night’s rest in an actual bed?”

  “No, Ma.” I didn’t know what else to tell her. Carissa’s presence was screwing with my head, hard. I didn’t know how to handle this intense and unwelcome attraction I felt for her. I had to find some way to get it under control before I found myself in the same situation I had with Karlene. I’d made one hell of a fool of myself over that woman, and all she’d done was play me like a fiddle until she had no more use for me and moved on. Luckily, her moving on had been somewhere out west in some major city where I didn’t have to accidentally run into her and play polite.

  I wrapped my finger up carefully, mentally noting to clean it up better later, and after making sure I hadn’t bled on the tomatoes—fortunately, I hadn’t—got back to work.

  “Ya sure you’re all right in there?” Mama called out again, and I shook my head. I heard the underlying worry, and it made me feel bad. She didn’t need to be focusing on that, when she needed all of her reserves for keeping herself strong and alive for as long as it took to get her better. Here I was acting like a horny teenager, cutting myself to pieces while daydreaming and distracting her from looking after herself. Not that she ever stopped worrying about me, but I could do my best to keep it to a minimum.

  “I promise I’m fine,” I assured her, moving on to preparing the lettuce. We usually did lunch as a build-your-own-sandwich buffet so the guys could get what they wanted, how they liked it, and it kept the work from Mama down. They were all happy about the situation—other than her illness—so we’d rolled with it.

  I hoped Carissa wouldn’t be offended by the presentation. I got the impression she was used to having everything done for her, including food preparation. Would she even begin to know how to assemble a sandwich? That was ridiculous. Of course she would. Even a child could manage something that simple.

  It wasn’t long before I had the entire spread laid out like any other day and sat at the table, anxiously waiting for Carissa to make her appearance. I’d cleaned the cut properly, as soon as I’d heard the pipes creak when she’d shut off the water, and wrapped it up tightly. The wound wasn’t bad, just embarrassing in how I’d ended up with it.

  My knee bounced impatiently as I glanced at the clock on the wall. She still had another fifteen minutes until noon when Mama had told her to join us for lunch, and the wait was killing me. She’d been adorable dirty and disheveled, straw sticking up from her matted ponytail. It made me want to take her for a few romps out where I’d found her sleeping. My cock throbbed at the thought of being buried deep inside her behind the hay bales.

  Shaking away yet another fantasy, thankful I wasn’t in danger of slicing off another finger this time from my mind wandering, I wondered if I’d be able to withstand how gorgeous she’d be all cleaned up and presentable. Mama was already trying to instigate a romance between the two of us, and she’d only been here a few hours. I had no idea what time she’d snuck into the stables and bedded down for the night, though.

  “I wonder why that girl didn’t just come knock on the door,” Mama asked from the doorway, and I wanted to yell with frustration. Usually she waited for me to come help her into the kitchen for meals.

  “I have no idea,” I told her as I rushed to her side and guided her carefully to her chair at the head of the table.

  “It’s not like we woulda turned her away,” Mama continued, waving me away once she was seated comfortably.

  “You’d have to ask her,” I said as I resumed my seat at the table, glancing at the clock to see only five minutes had passed since the last time I’d checked it. I hoped she wasn’t one of those girls who liked to be “fashionably late” like Karlene was. It was an annoying habit and rude as hell in my book.

  “I’ll give her a bit ta get comfortable. Don’t wanna scare her away,” Mama decided, and I saw the glint in her eyes. She was loving every bit of this.

  “Don’t get your hopes up, Ma,” I told her firmly, although I wasn’t sure I could back that claim up. “I’m not interested in a new relationship.”

  “You’re still givin’ that no good Karlene power over ya? I thought I raised ya better than that,” Mama said, crossing her arms over her chest with a disappointed look.

  “I’m not givin’ her power over me. I’d just rather not repeat past mistakes,” I told her evenly, avoiding eye contact. I’d told her that a million times and felt it to be true down to my very soul. This time, though, it felt as if I was lying through my teeth. What the hell spell was Carissa weaving around me? Was she a damned witch or something?

  “Stop lyin’ ta me. Worse yet, stop lyin’ ta yourself. That girl did a number on ya and ya haven’t been the same since,” Mama ordered, and my gaze flew to her face with the force of her words. “I’m tired of seein’ ya unattached when ya were made to be a family man. You’re nothin’ like your father neither. Carissa, or any other woman for that matter, would be lucky ta catch ya.”

  “Mama—”

  “That Karlene was a short-sighted bitch who was so stuck up her own ass she couldn’t tell the time of day. She couldn’t appreciate what she had when she had ya cause nothin’ was ever good enough for her. That’s on her, not you,” Mama lectured, determination vibrating from her weakened body.

  I thought about arguing with her but knew it would be no use. She was going to have her say whether I liked it or not.

  “Of course, if ya woulda listened to me when I told ya to steer clear of that primadonna, you coulda saved yourself a lotta grief, but ya always were stubborn. Now that girl upstairs, Carissa, is a good girl. She’s not like Karlene at all, and you’d be stupid to let her slip through your fingers,” Mama continued, glancing at the clock.

  I shook my head and prayed Carissa hadn’t come down early and overheard what my mother was saying.

  “It’s past time to open yourself up ta lovin’ someone again. If not for yourself, do it for me. I won’t be around much longer and would rather die knowin’ ya have a good woman by your side than worryin’ about ya bein’ here all alone.”

  I hated when she talked as if there was no hope for her at all, and she knew it. Normally, she wouldn’t, but she was determined to get her point across whether I liked it or not, so she’d pulled out the bi
g guns.

  “Don’t talk like that,” I pleaded, hating the thought of my mama being gone.

  “Oh, don’t think I’ve given up hope ‘cause I haven’t. I’m just realistic. At my age and advanced illness, I’m not a high priority ta get a new heart,” Mama told me sternly, meeting my eyes with her faded blue ones. “God’ll have ta pry me from this earth with a crowbar if he wants ta call me home.”

  I shook my head again. I had my hands full enough with her. What made her think I could handle having another woman around to make life more complicated?

  “I hear ya, Mama,” I told her with a forced smile. “Just don’t give up on me okay?”

  “Like you’ve given up on findin’ a good woman?” she asked, arching her eyebrow in that way she had when she’d cornered me and knew it.

  “Entirely different,” I told her, but she shook her head at me.

  “Not in my book. Life ain’t worth livin’ without love,” she said, and I rubbed my hands down my face in frustration. I’d heard this spiel a million times since my relationship with Karlene ended and I’d sworn off relationships.

  “Besides, Carissa’s just passin’ through. Don’t go stirrin’ up trouble,” I cautioned her, knowing full well she wouldn’t listen to a thing I was saying.

  “She may just be passin’ through now. It’s up ta us ta convince her ta stay,” Mama said, challenge glittering in her eyes. She’d already made it her mission to hook the two of us up, and there was no talking her out of it.

  Maybe I should warn Carissa as to what my mother was up to?

  Just then she appeared in the doorway looking stunning in a fresh pair of well-fitted jeans that showed off the curvy hips and ass I’d been admiring earlier and a sleeveless top that draped perfectly over the swell of her breasts, just hinting at how full, supple, and natural they were. My eyes scanned eagerly over her body, unable to get their fill before finally gliding up to take in her beautiful heart-shaped face. Her lips, full and pouty, almost begged for me to come over and suck them into my mouth and nibble on them until she begged for mercy.

  I prayed my reaction to her wasn’t showing on my face as I met her wide, brown eyes that were looking at me as if she were worried there was something wrong with me.

  “There ya are,” my mother said happily, reaching out her hand to Carissa, inviting her close enough that I got a whiff of a fruity fragrance that heightened the fantasies rolling around in my head. Maybe I just needed to fuck her a few times to get her out of my system? I wondered and quickly dismissed the thought. Carissa didn’t seem like the type of woman who had casual flings. She was more the serious type who required a commitment before moving on to that level of intimacy.

  “Thank you for use of the shower. I feel much better now,” she said, her eyes traveling from me to my mother and back again as if they couldn’t stand to be away from me. Mine hadn’t left her since she’d appeared in the doorway.

  “Where are your manners, Kolt?” Mama asked, voice firm and snapping me out of my stupor. I shook my head, tried my best to inconspicuously adjust my raging hard-on before standing from my seat and sliding a chair from the table across from me for Carissa. “Not there. There,” Mama instructed, and I groaned. She pointed to the chair next to mine as if being seated across from Carissa weren’t torture enough. Being close enough to smell and accidentally touch her would absolutely kill me before we made it halfway through the meal—if I could even manage to stomach food with the way I was all twisted up inside.

  Carissa raised her eyebrows, as if silently asking me what my mother was up to, but moved toward the chair my mother had indicated without argument. I gave her a small, apologetic smile as I slid her chair closer to the table once she’d sat down, as I’d always been taught growing up, and then resumed my own.

  “I’m glad ya feel better, sweetie,” Mama said to Carissa with a broad smile, leaning on the table as if she were about to begin interrogating the girl. I didn’t know what had happened to her, telling me she would wait to let Carissa get settled before pushing for answers.

  “The guys will be here momentarily. They should all be gettin’ cleaned up right now,” I interjected before my mother could get to steamrolling her, and Carissa met my eyes with relief, as if she’d sensed the coming onslaught from the older woman. Neither one of us looked away immediately, and I wondered if she was feeling this intense pull between the two of us as well.

  “So the hands eat with you?” she asked curiously.

  “Only lunch. They all have homes ta eat breakfast and dinner at,” I told her, shooting a grin her way. “Lucky for you or ya would’ve been caught before I got out there.”

  “Hope ya don’t mind, but we do it as a spread ta make things easier,” Mama said to Carissa, looking pleased at the interaction between her and me. I felt like banging my head against a brick wall. If I didn’t somehow get it together, Mama would start planning our wedding without the slightest word of encouragement from either Carissa or me.

  “However it’s easier for you is fine with me,” Carissa said easily, but I could sense how tense she was and wondered what the cause was. She hadn’t seemed to relax at all since I’d found her and woken her up. Even in sleep, she’d appeared ill at ease.

  “Go ahead and start putting together a plate for yourself before the guys get in here. They can be real pigs, and if ya don’t get a head start, there won’t be a thing left for ya ta pick at,” Mama said, humor laced with pure truth.

  “She’s right. What’re ya in the mood for today, Ma?” I asked, rising to get food for her and stay close to Carissa without being obvious about it. I was quickly becoming addicted to her, and I didn’t understand why. I’d known Karlene damn near all my life and hadn’t felt a thing for her until she’d asked me to the Sadie Hawkins dance our freshman year of high school. I’d almost told her no but didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

  “I’m not hungry. Go ahead and get somethin’ for yourself.” She waved me off with a warm smile, and it bothered me that she didn’t want anything to eat.

  “How about a couple hard-boiled eggs at least?” I asked, hoping to get at least that much into her to help keep her strength up. I saw Carissa’s gaze shift between me and my mother, sympathy blazing from them. If Mama hadn’t already told her about her illness, Carissa strongly suspected it.

  “Nah. I’m good,” Mama insisted, and I scowled at her.

  Carissa moved from the table, as if she were attempting to give us a little privacy, and headed toward the plates stacked on the counter.

  “Hey, Bonnie, these veggies look amazing. Are you sure you don’t want me to get you some?” she called back over her shoulder, her voice perky. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen veggies this fresh. I could put together a salad for you if you’d like?”

  “Those don’t get any fresher, hon. They were grown out in our very own garden. Help yourself and bring me a small plate with tomatoes, carrots, and snap peas.”

  My eyes widened with shock at how easily Carissa had accomplished what I’d been struggling to do.

  “Make sure there’s plenty of ranch on there to dip ‘em in, too.”

  “I’ll get it for ya, Mama,” I offered, but she waved me away.

  “Ya do enough for me. Go ahead and get yourself some food.”

  I couldn’t stop the hurt that blazed in my chest that she’d so easily brushed me off in favor of Carissa’s help. Even though I knew she was sending me a message, I couldn’t shake the feeling as I did what she’d told me to do. Carissa flashed me a quick smile and a wink as she passed me heading back to the table with Mama’s plate in her hand.

  A moment later, she was back beside me with a plate of her own. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to step on your toes. Just wanted to help,” she said quietly as she laid out a couple slices of wheat bread and reached for the knife to spread some mayo on it.

  My words lodged in my throat as I looked at her hand wrapped tightly around the butter knife. Against my will, my thoughts drifte
d to picture her hand wrapped around my thick cock, stroking it up and down before wrapping those sexy lips around the head.

  “Are you all right?” she asked, concerned as the mustard I’d been holding slipped from my hand and I closed my eyes tightly, trying to fight off the scenes playing out in my head.

  “Yeah... Yeah, I’m fine,” I croaked out, then set my plate down before picking up the mustard and placing it back on the counter. “Just remembered I need to check on somethin’.”

  I rushed out the back door like the devil was on my heels, knowing Carissa was staring after me, confused and shocked by my rude behavior. Hell, it was better than grabbing her, dragging her to my room like a caveman, and bending her over every available surface just to hear her scream my name in ecstasy.

  Chapter Five

  Carissa

  “Is he okay?” I asked Bonnie, still staring at the door that had slammed shut behind Kolton when he’d raced out of here like a madman.

  “He’s fine,” she said, waving his behavior off as if it were totally normal. “It’ll take him a good minute ta adjust ta havin’ someone else helpin’ out around here.”

  “Are you sure that’s all it is?” I asked, returning my focus to the sandwich I had been in the process of making myself, even though my appetite had fled when Kolton had made his hasty escape.

  “He’s used ta having ta do damn near everythin’ round here, and he’s stubborn as an old mule. They don’t come any better than him though.” She smiled at me and looked toward the door affectionately. “It’ll take a few days, but he’ll adjust.”

  It seemed like there was a lot more to it than that, but Bonnie seemed intent on keeping the reason behind Kolton’s flight simplified to just that. Who was I to argue? I was simply a guest passing through their home and selfishly taking advantage of their generosity while hiding from my own problems.