Hiding Behind Love Read online

  “Ya can’t blame yer mama for tryin’ ta protect ya,” Caleb defended, and it made me suddenly want to plow my fist through his nose, but I checked that urge and shoved it back in my head. Nothing good would come from fighting with old Caleb, especially right now. “But that still doesn’t answer the question of the day: are ya gettin’ hitched or not?”

  “Fuuucccckkkk!” I drew the word out in a bellow that echoed around the ranch as I released some of my pent-up emotions. “Mama sure as hell didn’t make this easy on me, now did she?”

  “She never does,” Caleb agreed, looking at me with sympathy shining bright in his eyes, but a knowing pride was glittering there as well, as if he knew without a doubt, I’d do the right thing by Carissa and marry her to keep her father’s plans from ruining her life.

  “Even if I do agree to marry her, Carissa’s against the whole idea. She doesn’t want a man holdin’ her back from those big plans she has mapped out in her pretty little head,” I argued stubbornly.

  “Then I guess you’re just gonna have ta convince her that it’s in her best interests, if Bonnie hasn’t already done so. Judgin’ by the look on that one’s face, seems she’s on a mission,” Caleb said, pointing toward Carissa, who was marching toward us as if she was ready to do battle and come out victorious. Well, if that weren’t the biggest turn on I’d gotten from her since she’d been here…and so far, everything she’d done had turned me on. “Catch ya later.”

  Caleb pushed himself up from his seat next to me and climbed back into the hog pen without another word. My full attention was on the dark-haired beauty growing closer and closer by the second, thoroughly entranced by the sway of her hips and bounce of her breasts. Her hair flowed out behind her unrestricted as the wind pushed it off her shoulders and caused it to float behind her like a black veil someone was carrying for her.

  “Are you all right?” she asked once she was close enough for me to hear her without her having to yell. “Damn. That was a shitty question. Of course you’re not all right.”

  She slapped her head as she plopped her still pajama-clad bottom on the ground beside me where Caleb had just vacated.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t have much experience dealing with stuff like this,” she apologized, and I quietly observed how nervous, yet still determined, she appeared to be.

  “I’m barely coping,” I finally took pity on her and admitted, tearing my eyes from her and leaning back on my elbows while stretching out my legs in front of me. I needed a few moments to gather my thoughts and figure out a way to convince this woman to help me honor my dying mother’s final request of me, even though it was against everything she set out for herself.

  “I’m so sorry,” she repeated, seeming to be unable to find anything else to say.

  “Carissa—”

  “Kolton—”

  We spoke at the same time, her turning to face me with that Xena, Warrior Princess glint in her eyes I’d noticed when she’d been on her way over here.

  “Please, let me go first,” I requested, going against everything my mama had ever taught me on being a gentleman but needing to get this out before I changed my mind. My resolve to do this was thin and would incinerate at the slightest provocation. I didn’t want to risk her saying something that would have it going up in flames before I could follow through.

  “Go ahead,” she acquiesced, watching me closely.

  “I know you don’t wanna get married or be attached to any guy, but my ma may have a point with her plan,” I began, but she opened her mouth to speak, so I held up my hand to continue. “Now that I’ve had some time to come ta terms with everythin’, I think we need to do as my mother suggested. I promise I won’t be that much of a pain in your ass as your husband, and I’ll find a way ta make sure ya still get to follow through with those dreams of yours—”

  “Oh, thank God,” Carissa interrupted with a rush of relief as she sagged down to her elbows beside me, leaning her head back with her eyes closed.

  “What?” I asked, baffled by her response.

  “I came out here on a mission to convince you that your mother’s plan was solid. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get you to agree, but I was damn sure going to give it my best shot,” she told me, a smile forming on her lips as she soaked up the rays beating down on her pale skin. I wondered if she’d ever seen daylight before back in New York or if she’d been trapped inside her entire life. Then I worried that she’d burn, her skin was so fair and sensitive.

  “Come on. Let’s get back and fill Mama in on the happy news,” I said as I got to my feet and extended my hand to help her up. I knew I didn’t sound the slightest bit happy, but with everything going on, I felt I was entitled to be more than a bit surly at the sudden shift my life had taken.

  How did one girl sleeping in the stables create so much havoc in my life in roughly a twenty-four-hour span? Furthermore, how did I keep her from creating a whole lot more chaos in the future? Because this woman wasn’t anywhere near as tame as she appeared. There was an inner strength vibrating from deep within her that I knew she was only on the cusp of beginning to realize. Once she did, she’d be a force to be reckoned with that would rival my mama.

  “You know she wants us on a plane ASAP, right?” she asked, starting to pull her hand from mine, until I gripped it just tight enough to let her know I wasn’t releasing it. I needed the connection to her more than I could explain just then, and that unleashed a nagging at the back of my brain, warning me I was already letting her in too far, that all she’d do was use me and ditch me the way Karlene had done.

  “Plane?” I asked, arching an eyebrow. Apparently, she didn’t realize it would be easier to just drive over to Vegas than fly, but I had zero intentions of going to Vegas at all. If we were going to do this, it would be here with Caleb and my mother bearing witness. I absolutely refused to marry Carissa if the two of them weren’t there, and Mama’s health wouldn’t allow her to make the trip to Nevada. Besides, I didn’t want either of these women in the city of sin.

  “Yeah. Vegas isn’t just down the road,” Carissa replied sarcastically, and I loved the sass in her tone.

  “It’s not, but we’re not goin’ to Vegas,” I informed her, causing her to stop dead in her tracks.

  “But—”

  “Hear me out for a minute,” I told her as she went to object. “If we’re gonna do, this and my mama’s not gonna be around much longer, I want her at the ceremony. I wanna do this here in my hometown.”

  Carissa seemed to think it over for a minute before nodding her head, much to my relief. “I understand why you want your mom to be there, and quite frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. We need to do this quickly, though, and I don’t know how long the laws around here make you wait between applying for a marriage license and the actual ceremony.”

  I understood her point, and those were easy enough questions to find the answers to. My bet was she still didn’t know where she was at, let alone her father having already found her location this soon.

  “It’ll all work out,” I tried to reassure her, but already, my resolve was beginning to waver. Talk of marriage licenses and ceremonies had me itching to mount a horse and ride it as far as it could go before it dropped, and then hiking on foot until I dropped to put as much distance between me and getting hitched as I possibly could.

  With a deep breath, I led us back into the house, praying my mother agreed to those terms as easily as Carissa had. Somehow, I figured we were in for a fight on this one and wasn’t disappointed in the slightest.

  Chapter Eleven

  Carissa

  After arguing with Bonnie for what felt like years, she finally backed down from her firm orders for us to rush to Vegas for our wedding. I knew when she’d acquiesced, she had something up her sleeve, but Kolton was so relieved, he didn’t seem to notice.

  “If y’all are determined ta wait three damn days before y’all can say your vows, puttin’ Carissa here at risk the whole time, who am I ta
stop ya?” she asked, leaning back in her chair, watching and waiting for the right moment to spring her trap on us, whatever it may be.

  “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with Kolton wanting his mama to be present on the biggest day of his life,” I told her, and Kolton shot me a grateful smile.

  “And since Carissa won’t have any family there, I have no doubt she wants you and Caleb to be present to help ease her nerves,” he told Bonnie, and I returned his smile. Somehow, we’d switched from speaking for ourselves to speaking for each other, and I knew it hadn’t gone unnoticed by his mother who wore a Cheshire grin from ear to ear as she listened to us.

  “Fine. I have one condition, though…”

  Kolton’s eyes widened as Bonnie made her play. I sat still as a stone, terrified to find out what card she had up her sleeve this time. The last one ended up with us agreeing to marry each other, after one hell of an emotional battle.

  “No,” Kolton stated, unwilling to even hear what she had to say. “This isn’t up for debates, conditions, or anythin’ else.”

  “If ya want me ta show up, you’ll do what I’m askin’ of ya,” Bonnie said, determination glinting in her eyes as she crossed her arms over her chest and stared her son down.

  “You would really miss your only son’s weddin’?” he asked her incredulously.

  I had a hard time believing that myself, but then again, she was willing to stay here and send us off to Vegas with two of the hands as witnesses to get the job done. That said a lot as to how far she was willing to go to see this through.

  “Don’t push me, boy,” Bonnie warned as Kolton continued to stare her down as if he could not possibly believe she would do such a thing.

  “Why don’t we hear her out before we go saying no?” I suggested, hoping to end this standoff between mother and son before they ended up arguing once again. The conflict and stress couldn’t be good for Bonnie’s health.

  “Why not? She’s already got me marryin’ you when she knew darn well I had no intentions of ever gettin’ hitched,” Kolton said, exasperated as he flopped back in his chair looking more frustrated than I’d seen him since I’d arrived.

  “Ya cut your crap there, boy,” Bonnie warned, leaning toward him as if she was about to slap him silly. “I’ll still knock your ass back into line, sick or not.”

  “I’m sure there’s no need for that,” I reassured her, firing daggers at Kolton for his childish behavior that was only stressing his mother out in her fragile condition.

  “What’s your condition, Ma?” Kolton bit out, knowing he was on the losing end with me siding with his mother on this one.

  “Y’all take the next three days leadin’ up ta the weddin’ gettin’ ta know each other better. I mean spendin’ the days together with you showin’ her the ranch, takin’ her ta town, and gettin’ her a proper ring, and somewhere in there, takin’ her on a real date,” Bonnie explained, not moving her eyes once from Kolton as she spoke.

  I was touched at the amount of thought she’d put into making this as pleasant for me as she could think to do, but spending that much time with Kolton was sure to cause an entire host of other problems between the two of us. The sexual chemistry alone would be the number one cause of friction or complications.

  “Work out how y’all expect ta make this marriage work and be believable ‘cause those in town aren’t gonna believe y’all just met and decided ta get hitched ‘cause y’all fell in love at first sight. Anyone comes lookin’ for Carissa here is likely ta go through town and ask around for her, which means those busybodies will have the first chance ta cast doubt on y’alls marriage.”

  I had to admit, she had one hell of a point there. I couldn’t find a single argument against what she was telling us. My eyes shifted to gauge Kolton’s reaction to his mother’s words to find him contemplating Bonnie’s words with a resoluteness that told me there was far more truth to what she’d said than even I realized.

  “Fine,” Kolton huffed after a couple of minutes thinking. “We’ll head out in about an hour. I’m sure Carissa would appreciate time ta get a shower and prettied up before we take off, and I could use a good hose down myself.”

  “Glad ta see ya usin’ that head on your shoulders,” Bonnie teased, smiling widely once again.

  It was her second victory of the morning, and I was beginning to wonder why anyone bothered arguing with her since she always managed to somehow wind up on top. She could’ve been a lawyer like my dad, with the way she worked people. If not a lawyer, a damn good salesperson.

  “It’s been known to happen a time or two,” he teased back, and they both laughed, relieving the remaining bit of tension in the room.

  I could still see how the morning’s revelations were weighing on both of them, though, and wished desperately that there was something I could do to ease their pain. I’d never lost anyone close to me, so I didn’t know if knowing the loss was coming was easier to cope with or having it happen without warning. Either way, losing someone you loved was a terrible experience I knew I’d be enduring sooner than I ever thought.

  “Thanks,” I told them, grateful to not have to rush into the nearby town I’d been in just a couple days before looking like I’d just rolled out of bed. I pushed my chair back from the table and rushed upstairs to get ready.

  I’d never experienced a small town before, other than my brief meal at the local diner, and had no idea what to expect from the people there. They were sure to all know Kolton and Bonnie, but how would they react to me and my pending nuptials with Kolton?

  I wondered if maybe we should concoct more of a backstory than him just finding me sleeping in his barn as our first meeting. I’d have to run that by him while we were headed into town.

  My brain was busy creating all sorts of nervous tension in me as I showered, dressed, and applied my makeup so that by the time I was finished, my hands were shaking so bad I had to shove them in the pockets of my jeans to make them stop.

  “You almost done in there?” Kolton called through the door, and I realized as I jumped that I was monopolizing the bathroom.

  I went and opened the door to exit just as his fist came up to knock. Most people knocked first then called through the door, but not this man. He had his own way of doing things, apparently.

  “Just finished. Sorry for taking so long,” I told him, but he didn’t move from where he stood blocking my path. A low whistle escaped him, and I felt myself flush from the tips of my hair clear down to the tips of my toenails.

  “It was well worth the wait,” he murmured after taking a few seconds to peruse my body from bottom to top, apparently finding everything to his liking if the telltale bulge in his pants was any indicator.

  The temperature skyrocketed when my eyes landed on that particular detail and wouldn’t move from it. Another blush immediately followed the first one as I openly stared at his package.

  Kolton took a step toward me, and I was unable to meet his gaze as he crowded into my personal space. Every nerve ending in my body screamed for him to touch me and ease the yearning burning deep inside.

  “Ya look good enough to eat,” he whispered in my ear, and a shiver raced its way down my spine at the thought of him eating something very specific entered my mind.

  Before landing here, I’d never had a dirty thought. Even when I engaged in an occasional hookup to ease the need building inside me, I hadn’t imagined anything as vividly and raunchily as I pictured sex between Kolton and me. Not only could I picture the scene playing out in my head, but I could almost feel him against me as we enacted what my mind had conjured. I’d never even watched porn, for crying out loud, yet this man brought out desires I’d never even imagined being possible.

  Involuntarily, I licked my lips, imagining how he’d taste. My breathing became labored, and it took everything in me not to reach out and yank his mouth down onto mine for a kiss I had no doubt would be unforgettable.

  “Maybe this marriage thing won’t be so bad after
all,” he said softly as he grazed a finger down my exposed arm, creating goose bumps in his wake.

  His comment should’ve snapped me out of it, woken me up and had me arguing that this wouldn’t be a marriage in the true sense, but I couldn’t find my tongue. I was trapped in whatever bubble had enveloped us when I’d opened the door and was entirely incapable of breaking myself out of it. If he initiated sex, there’s no doubt in my mind I’d willingly participate. Maybe he was right about the whole marriage thing. We wouldn’t be hurting anyone if we indulged in the pleasures to be found in each other while we were legally wed, would we? The only ones who could possibly get hurt were him and I, and I couldn’t bring myself to begin to care about heartache while facing the best possible sexual experience I’d ever had.

  The fresh panties I’d just donned were now soaked through at the thought of the two of us getting down and dirty right here in the bathroom. I nearly panted, silently begging Kolton to make a move or break this trance we were locked in together.

  “As much as I’d like ta move this party to either mine or your room, it’ll have ta wait,” he said, sounding as mournful as I felt over not being able to properly explore each other’s bodies the way we so desperately wanted to.

  “Sorry,” I squeaked, pushing past him out to race to my room and hide the mortification that was washing over me and change my panties before they soaked my jeans as well.

  “Don’t be sorry, darlin’. I’d rather my bride-to-be is attracted to me than repulsed by me,” Kolton said with a chuckle just before I closed my bedroom door in his face.

  I couldn’t believe I’d just stood there while he’d eye-fucked me, more than willing to drop and spread my legs if he’d just given the command. I’d never allowed a man to have that much power over me before, in the bedroom or anywhere else. Only my father had been able to order me around without me arguing or questioning the reason for every directive, yet Kolton had stood there, and I’d been willing to do any damn thing he’d wanted me to do without hesitation.