Hiding Behind Love Page 12

  Carissa seemed lost in thought for a couple of minutes, probably analyzing our story to death before nodding and relaxing her face into a warm smile that sent my insides into utter chaos. “I think that could work. We need to learn more details about each other, such as likes, dislikes, favorites and such, but I think we might just be able to pull this off.”

  She sounded relieved, and I relaxed a bit. “Think? Darlin’ I have no doubt we can pull this off if we work together,” I teased, lying through my teeth to make her feel better. I much preferred her smile over the stress and worry that had lined her face just a short time earlier.

  How the hell did I get here? This morning I was fighting tooth and nail against anything relationship related, especially marriage. Over the course of the last couple of hours, not only was I accepting the idea of marrying Carissa, but I was beginning to look forward to it as well. It was a shocking concept to wrap my mind around as I kept my eyes focused on the road as I pulled back onto it to finish our trip into town.

  I ran through a mental list of the attributes I’d learned Carissa had over the last day and a half in my head. She was sexy as hell, smart as a whip, reasonable, caring, compassionate, warm-hearted, loved horses—and they seemed to love her, too, based on what I’d seen of her in the stables—polite, considerate, respectful, and several other things that were escaping me at the moment. The fact she didn’t know how to do dishes or clean in any way, shape, or form didn’t even raise a blip on my radar. Things like that could be learned. The other stuff, not so much by our ages.

  The way Mama had taken a liking to her also factored in as to whether or not I felt I’d made the right call in eventually conceding to Mama’s idea. Both Mama and Caleb had said she reminded them of a younger version of my mother. Other than the cleaning bit, I started picking up bits and pieces of that myself, such as the way she’d created a plausible backstory for us out of thin air. Mama had gotten good at that to cover up the evidence of Daddy’s regular beatings, if Caleb were to be believed, and I was inclined to.

  “What’s got you so quiet over there?” Carissa asked as we hit the town border.

  I had no idea how to answer her. My thoughts and feelings were a jumbled mass of confusion with everything that had occurred recently. I was still trying to figure out how to process the fact Mama had taken herself off the donor list for the heart she so desperately needed.

  When I didn’t respond, Carissa reached over and wrapped her hand around the back of mine on the steering wheel. She held on just long enough for me to stop at the sign and look over at her.

  “You can talk to me,” she said softly, understanding pouring from her eyes to wrap me in a warm blanket of comfort. Maybe she hadn’t known my mother all her life like I had, but those two had bonded quickly over the short time Carissa had been with us. “I hate it, too.”

  “Hate what?” I asked as the car behind us blared their horn impatiently.

  “The lengths Bonnie went to convince us to go along with her plan. I can’t imagine that house or the ranch without her,” Carissa’s voice continued to soothe the ache that had weighed my heart down since the moment Mama had uttered the words that shattered me.

  “I just don’t understand why she wouldn’t wanna fight,” I spilled before even thinking about what I was doing. It felt good to have someone to talk to who wasn’t judging me for every thought or feeling I had; someone who had an inkling of what I was going through.

  “I think I do, in a way,” Carissa said, staring down at the hand still laying limply in her lap. “After all the horrors she’s been through, she’s tired and ready to be fully at peace. She couldn’t, as long as she thought you’d be alone in the world without her. Once she met me and concocted her crazy scheme, she felt she’d put the missing piece of the puzzle in place so she could finally embrace the peace she’s so desperately longed for.”

  Caleb had said something similar when we’d talked earlier, but it hadn’t really sunken in what he’d been trying to tell me.

  “I don’t need a caretaker,” I stated, tensing up as my brain took hers and Caleb’s explanation the only way it knew how.

  “That’s not what she was looking for. You misunderstood,” Carissa argued quickly as her eyes flew up to meet my angry ones.

  “Then please, clarify things for me,” I demanded.

  “She never wants you to live a day without love in your life, and she thinks I’ll be the one to love you the way she feels you deserve to be loved,” Carissa said, astounding me so much my jaw hit my lap.

  It was a good thing I’d already parked the truck in front of the county clerk’s office where we needed to file the paperwork for our marriage license. I had no response to that as I hadn’t even come close to seeing things from that perspective.

  Then I began wondering if Mama was right and Carissa was the one to love me that way and if I could find it inside myself to accept, embrace, and return that love back to her. Before I could respond, Carissa removed her hand and climbed out of the truck, leaving me to figure things out for myself.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Carissa

  Kolton was confusing me. One minute he blew hot, the next frigid. He’d be all for the marriage idea, and then freaking out over the entire thing. Though he never said a word, his eyes said it all. All I had to do was look into his beautiful eyes to see which end of the spectrum he was on, but I couldn’t keep up with how quickly it changed. And they said women were moody? Uh uh. Kolton could make the most unstable woman appear stable.

  I knew a lot of it had to do with Bonnie’s health and her drastic decision, but there was something else there as well that I’d picked up on. Almost a fear of getting close to me, as if I would rip his heart out, stomp all over it, and ride off into the sunset type of fear. I wondered who the girl was who had done such a number on him, because that’s the only explanation I could reach as to why he did his best to keep me as far away as he could, even with this intense attraction pulling us toward each other.

  “Hey, wait up, babe,” Kolton called out behind me as he jogged to catch up, and I looked up at him when he reached me, disbelief making me blink far more than was normal for me as I tried to wrap my head around the affectionate nickname.

  “Gotta make it believable, right?” he whispered in my ear as his arm snaked around my shoulders and he nudged me toward falling into step beside him as we entered the building. “Relax. No one’s gonna buy our story if you stay locked up tighter than a bank vault.”

  I knew he was right and forced myself to take several deep breaths, but it didn’t calm me in the slightest. I didn’t know why we thought we could pull this whole fiasco off to begin with.

  “We can’t do this,” I whispered, panic unfurling in my chest like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon, and then taking flight, only to beat itself senseless against my ribcage as it tried desperately to find its way to freedom.

  “Don’t back out on me now. I wouldn’t’ve agreed to this if it weren’t for Mama, and I can’t go ignorin’ her last wish,” he told me in a gentle voice that belied his words. “I don’t wanna see nothin’ happen to ya either, so head on over there to the restroom, splash some water on your face, and get it together.”

  He pointed out the women’s room, and I rushed off, eager to have a few moments to gather my thoughts. If Kolton was teetering back and forth like a seesaw, what did that make me? He wasn’t the one going into a full-blown panic attack at the thought of actually going through with all this. In fact, crunch time was when he actually pulled it together while I fell apart.

  I stared at myself hard in the mirror, examining my features closely. Maybe I should dye my hair and get a tan? Do they even have tanning salons around here? I’d have to ask Kolton. Some changes to my appearance should help us hide me a bit better. I’ll have him swing by a store for supplies before we head back out to the ranch.

  Having a plan in place, even though it had nothing to do with why I’d panicked in the first pla
ce, calmed my jittery nerves. I refused to look too closely at the true reasons for my attack. I knew they had nothing to do with my father and everything to do with promising my forever to Kolton Reed., the man who set every nerve ending in my body on fire with no apology whatsoever for doing so. The man who made marriage seem like it wasn’t so much of a prison sentence but maybe something to look forward to and embrace, even though the future I’d envisioned had me standing on my own two feet unattached.

  Taking one last, cleansing breath, I squared my shoulders and exited the little room to find Kolton standing several feet away with a pretty brunette caressing his arm as she flirted shamelessly with him. I watched as she smiled and batted her eyes, but he didn’t acknowledge her in any way other than to remove her hand from his body on several occasions. Whoever she was, she didn’t seem to take a hint very well, so I decided I’d go help him out since he looked horribly tense and angry.

  “Hey, honey! Sorry about that. Nerves,” I told him, putting as much energy into my performance as I could as I hurried over to him and cuddled up under the arm he automatically raised for me to slip under. “I just can’t believe we’re doing this. I know we’d talked about it all those times over the phone, but…I just can’t wait.”

  Kolton smiled down at me as if he were truly the luckiest man on the planet having me wrapped up against him, and I felt like the only woman in the world he saw, which was too heady of a feeling to properly describe. Now I understood why women got all gooey over the whole love thing. If this is what it felt like—and this wasn’t even really love—then I’d been missing out for a very long time. I might even have to reevaluate my stance on it altogether.

  “It’s all right, darlin’. I’ll wait for you, no matter how long ya need.” He leaned over and kissed my temple, and my eyes fluttered closed involuntarily. All the heated moments we’d shared, and I just realized we hadn’t even kissed during one of them. Which was probably good because if we had, we’d have ended up doing things we shouldn’t.

  “And who the hell is this?” the brunette demanded, fury radiating from her every pore.

  “Oh, you’re still here?” Kolton asked her with a raised eyebrow. “Thought I told ya to keep right on walkin’?”

  “Baby—”

  “Don’t ‘baby’ me, Karlene. Ya lost that right a long time ago. I’ve moved on and am happier than I’ve ever been,” he informed her, squeezing me to him a bit tighter.

  I grinned happily and wrapped my arms around his waist tightly only to draw Karlene’s icy glare. Whoever this woman was, they had history, and it was an emotional powder keg judging from the tension bubble surrounding the three of us. Maybe she was the one who’d done such a number on Kolton? It was a strong possibility.

  “Who’s this?” I asked him as I angled my chin to look up at him with a wrinkle in my brow.

  “No one ya need to worry about. Karlene and I dated once upon a time, but she decided to move on. I can’t tell you how much of a gift that was, ‘cause it led me to you,” he said, sweet as could be. His eyes twinkled, affection shining bright in them, and I had to wonder just how much of an act he was putting on. I had already surmised that this man had an amazing capacity to love, if he’d only allow himself to do so. Maybe there was a crack in his armor that I was seeing through or he was a much better actor than I’d possibly imagined.

  “What we had was so much more than that,” Karlene argued, hands spread on her hips. She didn’t seem as if she had anywhere pressing she needed to be, which worried me a bit.

  “Compared to what my girl and I have now, it really wasn’t,” he replied, not taking his eyes from mine, and I couldn’t hold back the radiant smile lighting up my face. I had to keep reminding myself that this was all an act. None of it was real. Oh, but it felt so real, I wanted to fall headfirst in and never come back up for air again.

  “Oh gag me,” Karlene spat, doing her best to scare me off with her death stares and glares but failing miserably.

  “Ya ready, baby?” Kolton asked me, and somehow I managed to make my smile even wider as I nodded my head eagerly.

  “I couldn’t be more ready.” His smile mirrored mine, and I knew Karlene had to be needing a pair of sunglasses or something to protect her eyes from the glare our happiness was radiating to anyone within seeing distance.

  “Good. Let’s go get our license, and then I’m takin’ ya to lunch. We’ll go pick out the ring later and do some other shoppin’ while we’re in town,” he said, and I nodded happily in agreement.

  I wasn’t sure telling Karlene our itinerary was a smart move, but disagreeing with him in front of her just felt like the wrong decision on all counts. This woman would take any sign of trouble and twist it to her advantage.

  “License? What kinda license?” Karlene demanded to know, denial evident in her question considering Kolton’s reference to us picking out a ring later.

  “Don’t go worryin’ yourself about it. Have a nice day,” Kolton told her while attempting to steer me around the woman spitting and sputtering in indignation in front of us, but she wasn’t about to let us slip away that easily.

  She sidestepped right into our path again, finger jabbing directly in Kolton’s chest. I felt the first violent urge I’d ever experienced, imagining grabbing hold of that slender appendage and bending it so far back it snapped right off her elegant hand for daring to place it anywhere near him.

  “No way in hell you’re marryin’ her! What does Bonnie say about this? She’s not even from ‘round here,” Karlene started throwing a rather loud, attention-grabbing hissy fit. “We were supposed ta be married. You and me. Ya can’t do this to me. I won’t let ya.”

  “First of all, my mama is thrilled about my upcoming weddin’. Second of all, there is no more ‘we’ or ‘us’. You ended that a long time ago, and I’d like to thank ya for that,” he told her easily. “I hadn’t realized how much of a mistake I would’ve been makin’ if we’d stuck it out and I had married you like we’d talked about as kids. Both of us would be miserable by now. I hope ya find everythin’ you’ve been lookin’ for ‘cause I sure found what I had.”

  With that, he didn’t give her another chance to hold us up from our mission. When we went to step around her and she once again tried to step into our path, he held his arm up to block her move while keeping us moving forward, effectively putting her behind us where she followed, continuing to pitch a fit.

  “Her? Really?” I whispered in his ear, and he gave me a look that froze any further comments in my throat.

  “I was young, stupid, and thinkin’ with the wrong head,” he breathed into my ear before nipping it lightly to draw an outraged gasp from his ex who was still following us.

  I didn’t make another comment as we reached the desk designated for birth, death, and marriage records. Kolton requested the paperwork for a marriage license, and the lady behind the desk stared in shock for several moments before he cleared his throat and she snapped out of it, sliding a sheet of paper across to us.

  “Didn’t know ya was even thinkin’ ‘bout dippin’ your toes back inta the datin’ pool again,” she said to Kolton with a raised eyebrow and suspicious look thrown my way, as if I was nothing but a gold digger trying to take advantage of their hometown boy.

  “I do know how to keep a secret or two,” he replied with a wink and a grin before placing a light kiss on my cheek and picking up the paper and pen.

  “Since when do ya keep secrets from ol’ Caleb out there? If he’d have even gotten a whiff of any of this, it woulda been spread all over town like butter on toast.”

  “Millie, you know I love ya, but I grew up around that man. If anyone knows how to keep a secret from Ol’ Caleb, it’d be me, now wouldn’t it?” he responded, challenging her as if this were normal banter for them. Maybe it was. It’s not as if I’d know.

  “Rumor has it that girl arrived on the bus the other day, had breakfast, and hiked her way outta town toward your place. You know how Angie is with pe
ople, and this girl seemed ta really strike a chord with her. She’s been wonderin’ if she made it where she was goin’ safe and sound ever since,” Millie informed Kolton, but he just shook his head.

  “I didn’t know she was comin’. She surprised the hell outta me, and I’m sure glad she did.” He paused long enough to direct a warm, affectionate, happy smile toward me before turning to face Millie once again. “I met her when I was goin’ to the university. I wasn’t sure anythin’ would come of it, but we’ve been talkin’ on the phone a lot since then. Especially since I had to come home ta care for Mama.”

  “So you went ta Ohio State, too?” Millie asked me directly, her suspicions seeming to waver just the slightest bit.

  “No, ma’am. I went to Harvard, but Kolt made a trip over to Boston with one of his buddies, and we ended up meeting there. I was lost, and he rescued me,” I told her, making sure the appropriate gratitude and adoration were conveyed. Karlene scoffed in the background then made a gagging noise that grated on my nerves.

  “How did someone not from Boston save someone actually from there?” Karlene asked, her utter disbelief palpable.

  “Why are you still here?” Kolton asked, shooting her a glare over his shoulder.

  “It’s a public buildin’,” Karlene stated as if she needed no other reason.

  I knew better. The only reason she was still here had his arm securely wrapped around me.

  “Go back ta work, Karlene,” Millie ordered, flicking a disgusted look past us at the woman acting as if she owned the place.

  “There’s no way I’m leavin’ without seein’ with my own two eyes that Kolt really intends ta marry this outsider,” Karlene argued, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning against the door frame as she stared us down.